\r\nThis was written December 7th, 2025<\/i>\r\n<\/p>\r\n\r\nThe Obsession<\/h2>\r\n
\r\nLife, simultaneously a glorious gift, and a cruel curse. Many of us strive to live life\r\nto the fullest, while being constantly preoccupied by the shadow of our doom. Yet, we\r\nmust persevere and continue, step by step. Yet, what happens when death itself becomes\r\nmore of a preoccupation than life? A morbid obsession? Are you even living anymore?\r\n<\/p>
\r\nExhibit A: Sam Morris, a researcher that’s been curious about death. Not only whether \r\nthere’s anything on the other side of the veil, but also what the act of dying truly\r\nfeels like, the kind of experience drawing your last strenuous breath must be like, or\r\nhow a sudden and violent demise would feel. What kinds of thoughts are on a person’s mind\r\nat the terminus? These he wanted to answer.\r\n<\/p><\/i><\/b>
\r\nWhy? Some claim it was to better prepare for when he himself would meet his end, others\r\nthat it was just a dark fascination with the death, and some that it was simply misplaced\r\ncuriosity, curiosity for something that seemed unattainable. And the pride in achieving\r\nwhat many would have thought impossible.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nWelp, over the course of his research, there were many technological developments. At first,\r\nhe would simply observe the CAT scans and MRIs of dying patients, observing how their brain\r\nchanged over time as death loomed ever closer. Similarly, seeing on other patients how\r\nthe different waves recorded by an electroencephalogram would progress, where activity would move\r\nto, and in what way.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nAlas, this felt too abstract for him, too remote from the reality he wanted to explore.\r\nAnd so, he invested heavily into technology that would finally allow us to read people’s\r\nminds. With the rise of AI, it became simpler and simpler to find clear interpretation\r\nof thoughts through scans of one’s brain. The requisite technology to scan the brain also\r\nbecame more and more convenient, allowing to get different types of information simultaneously\r\nwithout much interference, getting a more complete picture all at once.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nFinally, thoughts were gradually deciphered, and he could start recording people’s last\r\nthoughts. Unfortunately, those tended to be more boring and mundane than most people would\r\nhave wished for. While prior to death, people were known to experience increased clarity,\r\nonce at death’s door, this didn’t last. Some thoughts went to people’s parents or family,\r\nin rare cases, there were obsessed thoughts about regrets, or unexpected things that\r\nhad marked the person such as music or even commercials, but eventually, the thought\r\npatterns became completely erratic before they were entirely extinguished.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nThis was wholly unsatisfactory for our dear Dr. Morris. Luckily, he wasn’t quite done there.\r\nThere was still more to experience. This was lacking an extra element, a visceral one,\r\nthe actual feelings and sensations associated with death. And as the technology kept\r\nimproving, such technology became reality. It had at last become possible to experience\r\nsomeone else’s thoughts and feelings as if they were your own. Obviously this created\r\na whole new creative marketplace, but this is not the one we’re interested in here.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nMost people in his entourage had objections against such an experience, some insisting\r\nthat we didn’t know how it could impact him, some going on about the ridiculous popular\r\nnotion that experiencing someone’s could cause\r\nhim to die, while others insisted that this was too private a moment to intrude upon.\r\nWhich…well…they already intruded on their thoughts, so what was the harm there?\r\n<\/p>
\r\nEventually, he managed to have one of his terminal patients to sign a release form, allowing\r\nhim to conduct this experiment. They’d opted for a terminal cancer patient, who would be\r\nEuthanized by the end of the week, through the use of “relaxants”. Oh, the excitement,\r\nthe culmination of one’s life work, and his obsessions finally being granted reality.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nThe big day finally came, and he entered the room, hiding his real feelings and trying\r\nto appear professional. Still, he told the gathered family how momentous of an occasion\r\nthis would be, a great advancement for Science! And finally, everything was set up, he\r\nlaid down on a bed, and the connections were activated.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nFirst, he was gripped with fear and anxiety, along with tremendous amounts of pain. Yes,\r\nto be expected from a patient in this situation. No one can ever truly be ready for death,\r\nafter all. Then, they prepared the first injection, morphine. Oh wow, the effect was\r\nwild and so addictive. Being able to experience such drugs without first hand exposure\r\ndefinitely was an unexpected bonus. He felt himself get more and more relaxed. Then the\r\nsecond injection, and there was a bracing for the expected result, yet a fairly relaxed\r\nand calm one, relatively speaking. Gradual calm overcame him, and he thought this was how\r\nit felt like when the person finally let go. And then boom, a complete mental overload.\r\nThoughts speeding across, so quick, so chaotic, so…incomprehensible, yet puzzling. Words,\r\nimages, sounds, even smells and tactile sensations. There seemed to be a sense or logic\r\nto it all, but none he could himself explain. And the sensation was so intense, so\r\nthrilling, despite being numbed by the cover of the morphine. Quite an unexpected and\r\nworld-changing thing to go through.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nWhen he unplugged, he was still shaking, unable to come to grips with what had just happened.\r\nHe felt like he’d been presented with some unbelievable enigma, but and a revolutionary\r\ntype of experience. He was shocked and couldn’t quite describe what had just happened.\r\nFrom that moment, he became a bit more recluse, and more secretive, but kept pushing\r\nfor more and more such experiments. The next one was with an elder patient, in the grips\r\nof cognitive issues. What he dealt with this time was very similar, but more hazy, as\r\nif through looking through a veil. And while the finale was still rather sensational, it\r\nwas definitely more muted. Oh, this was unsatisfactory, wholly unsatisfactory. How could\r\nthis be what followed the initial thrill? He had to re-experience the intensity of the\r\ninitial run. At this point, everyone should have picked up on the addiction, but that’s\r\nthe issue when you’re in the grips of such a vice, you turn a blind eye to it.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nAt this point, he had two new criteria: No cognitive disability, no opioids (Although this\r\nhad been quite a pleasant ride). If he were to follow this thrill, he had to get it in\r\na purer form. Accordingly, he moved to patients in the ER, more specifically the traumatic\r\nward. Getting someone closer to death that can’t really be helped, and who won’t be sedated.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nUnfortunately, in such circumstances, getting a release form was harder to get, alas…\r\nBut he still managed to find a way to make a deal under the table. He managed to find \r\nsomeone suffering severe hemorrhaging that was not long for this world. He quickly set\r\neverything up, and prepared for the “trip”. Oh boy, this was intense. First, the extreme\r\npain mixed with a pure dose of panic was overwhelming, yet fascinating when knowing there\r\nwas no actual danger. And then, consciousness was slowly fading away, thoughts became\r\nslower, muddier, harder to push through. Eventually, the explosion did come, as usual,\r\nthough it was once again muted. Not nearly as muted as with his previous experiences,\r\nbut it was clearly not as pure as it could be. Yet, it was oh so intoxicating.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nBut clearly, the blood lust was negatively impacting the ultimate burst. He had to either\r\nfind something more sudden, possibly more traumatic, but which wouldn’t lessen the senses\r\nand cognition until the last moment. Unfortunately, such cases seemed impossible to predict\r\nor find naturally, at least if you wanted enough time to set up the connection. It would\r\nhave to be manufactured.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nWhile he still had to get his fix, living through less than satisfactory deaths, he had\r\nset his sight on a more extreme case. Chasing his own desires and incentives, he found\r\na way to twist his own morals and convince himself that it would be dignity to allow\r\nterminal patients and ultimate death filled with adrenaline. Thus, he found a great\r\ncandidate, a thrill-seeking youth who desired to go out experiencing an out-of-this-world\r\nstunt no one attached to their own life would ever attempt, which would deliver him\r\ndirectly into the hands of the Reaper, simultaneously turning him into a legend.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nAccordingly, he tried to lobby to allow for such this opportunity to become reality,\r\ntaking the “make-a-wish” angle. Unfortunately, this was not well received by the public,\r\nand was no bill allowing this would ever come to pass, which disappointed both parties\r\nto no end. Eventually, the youth passed away, a complete waste according to Sam.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nEventually, Sam thought he had no option but to take matters in his own hands. And he\r\nstepped over a line he never should have crossed. He chose what he thought might be the\r\na good candidate for the desired result. He opted for electrocution. It would be fairly\r\nquick, and should not directly impede mental capacity.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nFinally, he chose a target. Kidnapping them turned into a simple matter for him, and he\r\nonly had to go ahead with the execution. Having bound them, they first waited long enough\r\nfor all of the chemicals to fully dissipate from the “patient”‘s body. Once that was done,\r\nthey activated the connection, and activated the switch that would terminate the patient.\r\nUnfortunately, this was a complete failure. They had completely miscalculated, and the\r\nelectrocution had also heavily impacted the brain. They should instead have stopped the\r\nheart with a more targeted and limited current. The sensation was indeed quite overwhelming,\r\nbut none of the thrill was present, such a complete waste.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nAnd alas, before a next experiment could be conducted, they had been discovered. As he\r\nwondered, biting his thumb, what he could possibly do to prevent the prospect of being\r\ncompletely cut off from his addiction, he started to run. They couldn’t possibly stop him,\r\nhe had to continue, he had to finally experience it. He was desperate, no proper path.\r\nThey simply didn’t understand, couldn’t comprehend his genius and the importance of his\r\nresearch, he reassured himself. Still, he felt he had no choice but to flee. And the options\r\nwere rather limited, so he went up and up. After getting to the roof of the hospital, he\r\nfelt cornered, desperate. And so he went into a final run, and leaped off the side of the\r\nbuilding. Witnesses claim he had a contented and satisfied smile as he was diving down,\r\nletting gravity get him ever closer to the pavement.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nA brutal and gruesome end it was. But it is thought that at the end, he finally obtained\r\nwhat he had been wishing for all along: this final thrill in its pure, unadulterated,\r\nundiluted form. He’d finally seen the fireworks. But he didn’t get to live through it.\r\n<\/p>
\r\nWhen you lose all perspective on life, obsessed with the prospect of death, can it truly\r\nbe said that you’re still living, or are you simply racing towards you own demise while\r\nlosing sight of the things that truly matter? Is a life well-died really a life well-lived?\r\n<\/p><\/i><\/b>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This was written December 7th, 2025 The Obsession Life, simultaneously a glorious gift, and a cruel curse. Many of us strive to live life to the fullest, while being constantly preoccupied by the shadow of our doom. Yet, we must persevere and continue, step by step. Yet, what happens when death itself becomes more of … Continue reading Writing Challenge 2025 \u2013 10 – The Obsession<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"bgseo_title":"","bgseo_description":"","bgseo_robots_index":"index","bgseo_robots_follow":"follow","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shawnmeanders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2497","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shawnmeanders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shawnmeanders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shawnmeanders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shawnmeanders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2497"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.shawnmeanders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2497\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2501,"href":"https:\/\/www.shawnmeanders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2497\/revisions\/2501"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shawnmeanders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2497"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shawnmeanders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2497"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shawnmeanders.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2497"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}