Written January 15th, 2026
Chaotic Discipline
A lot of people expressed being impressed with how disciplined I am…and my inclination is to disagree. I don’t feel disciplined and I can barely keep up with a schedule, or being on top of all the things I should be doing. Heck, I can’t even manage to have a reasonable and stable sleep schedule, even when I actively work on it.
On top of those, I can be rather lazy at times, and tend to both procrastinate and waste a ton of time. I also struggle a lot with planning things ahead of time and taking care of appointments and the likes.
Yet, I can’t deny some of their points, I have managed to start a few really good habit, and keep up with them for an extended period of time, despite how time-consuming they might be. For example:
- I’ve been reading daily for years now
- I’ve been drawing daily (with a few exceptions from being sick) since October 1st, about three and a half months
- I managed to do daily exercise for about two months (I gave up in part because it was causing me pain, probably from poor form)
- I managed to complete my 34 days Writing Challenge (And I’ve technically continued with writing-related endeavors since)
- (Not an explicit habit, and not related to the discussion below, but still requires “discipline”: I’ve manage to stay away for some time from a few social media apps/websites that drain too much time and energy from me)
It is true that all of those require time, energy and motivation, which is often in short supply. Yet, at some point, all four of those were happening concurrently. Therefore, I must be doing something that allows me to get through with these things. Well…I guess, maybe there is.
I am not organized and I can’t follow a tight schedule. Those sound like prerequisites for “traditional discipline”. Yet, one could still argue I’m disciplined, since I know what I need to do and manage to get it done. How?
Let me call this Chaotic Discipline. And honestly, it mainly borne out of stubbornness.
Each habit I’ve started, I did because I cared about them, valued them. And over the
past five years, I’ve acquired a lot of experience related to starting habits…and failing
to keep them going. And the biggest lesson I’ve learned (when it comes to me):
The biggest way to lose a habit is to skip one single day. One day failed, and I’m too
lenient on myself, allowing another day to pass, then another day, and thus does the habit
wither away and die, collapsing to dust.
Accordingly, I have only one simple rule for my habits, and it can be rather painful:
No matter what, I will complete my daily task before the end of the day, no
rationalization allowed.
*(Do note that I have my own definition of “the end of the day”, and it’s not midnight,
it’s going to bed)
The logical consequence? Plenty of late nights that could otherwise have been avoided. However, I believe it has been worth it so far. Moreover, the pain of those late nights tends to push me into gradually correcting the habit and handling those tasks earlier when the opportunity presents itself.
Obviously, for the sake of motivation, these are habits I care about, habits that I believe are worth it. If I were instead doing for someone else instead, with a habit I don’t really care about….well, I’m not sure I could really motivate myself to keep on going.
Also note that, while each task is usually time-consuming, I tend not to have strict requirements on how long I will spend on them. On tough days, I tend to be more lenient on myself, and allow for smaller outputs. And that’s ok too. Keeping the habit alive is what matters! As an example, during a trip to India, there was an evening where I didn’t have much time to write and was extremely tired already. I ended up just writing a quick poem in five minutes. Was that lazy? Maybe. Did it keep the habit alive? It sure did! And it didn’t start a trend of only writing short things. When the inspiration comes knocking, I sure wrote much more than this. And that’s the other thing, sometimes when you get started, you have no motivation or energy, but once you’re into it, you’ll feel inspired and motivated, and do much more than you would have expected!
So…that’s my secret. I am “disciplined”, but only in-so-much as I won’t allow my habits to die, no matter the cost. And cost there is! However, the execution is extremely chaotic, both in terms of how and when I take care of the tasks. Not at all the image of discipline one would envision!
If you’ve been struggling to start your own habit, consider giving this technique a try, you might surprise yourself! Obviously, it working for me does not imply it will for others, but still worth a shot!
And as always, stay curious and keep striving to improve!