This was written December 22th, 2025
Possessing Skills
Demons for hire. Millennia of experience.
You’ve been wanting to learn a new skill?
Wait no more, with our patented possession-based teaching, you’ll get to learn a new skill in no time!
Been wanting to learn a new instrument, but struggling with getting used to the fingering? We’ve got the perfect solution: We’ll teach you not by showing you how to, and telling you what to change, so that perchance you get the right understanding. No, instead we’ll be teaching your body. As we partner along and show you how to do the right movements, you’ll get an intrinsic feeling of how your body should move!
Think that’s where it ends? That’s where you’re wrong! We can also help you with sports, art and even languages! Can’t quite get the hang of this one tennis swing, or how to position your body for this one stroke while swimming? Or even the breathing rhythms? We won’t show you, we’ll give you the full experience, building your intuition through actually feeling it! Feeling self-conscious about your accent? Give us control of your tongue, and you’ll get it under control!
Worried about our experience? We have legions, each having experienced possession of some of the greatest minds, artists and athletes! Want to become proficient at drawing, sketching and painting? One amongst our crew has acquired those skills from Leonardo Da Vinci! But it does come at a cost!
Worried about a Faustian Bargain? No need to worry about it, the first session is free, and if you’re happy with the results, THEN you can commit! Each subsequent session will simply cost access to your body. For each hour of tutoring, we request two extra hours of your body.
Worried about us committing atrocities? Why would we, we’re contract-bound to the duration, and are looking for repeat-customers! We have no interest in ruining your life!
Still unconvinced? We also have ancestral knowledge! Always been curious about properly learning a dead language? We might have it! Wanted inspiration to write a book? We might have just the knowledge you’re waiting for!
Wait no more and apply today for you free trial. In order to do so, simply summon us by drawing the following pentagram on the ground, painting over it with your own blood according to the instructions, and chanting the chant attached below.
Once summoned, our next available agent will crawl their way up to you. Don’t hesitate and summon us NOW!